Hi friends.Today i am going to tell u a joke.read it and enjoy.
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So both groups gather at Pune Station.
Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority .
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):
------------ --------- --------- -------- ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- - -
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes
Away.....
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):
------------ --------- --------- ---- ------------ --------- --------- ------------ - -----------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..
TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE.
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the
ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroo! m... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined.
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA): !
------------ --------- --------- --------- --
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.
This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets ............ ....... .....
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train....... ....
Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.
Doctors V/s Engineers JUST FOR FUN
International symbol of marriage - Finally Approved !!
Hope all the women out there are happy now!!!
SMS Jokes
Hi friends,i like to share some SMS jokes that i got in my mobile.Read it and relax for a while
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers
ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
Hope you all enjoy these jokes
Lighter side of life
Hi friends,i like to share some jokes to you all.Here are some of it
January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed.......
u....
R....
always....
a HEADACHE to me !!!!
When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
com e along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!
If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
During Marriage ceremony why are you made to sit on the horse ?
You are given your last chance to run away.
Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a fool............
I wrote ur name on the sands.............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............
i got a HEART ATTACK
Dont work too much
Hi my dear friends,Now i want to tell one important thing.The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.
1. Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
2. You should immediately forward this medical alert to friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Hope this information is useful to u
How to take care of your wife
Hi my dear buddies,Hope you all are doing well .Today i am going to tell u how to take care of your wife.In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+8)
-- But return with Beer (-5)
-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)
HER BIRTHDAY
-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)
HER BIRTHDAY
-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Funny Matrimonial Ads
Funny Matrimonial Ads (Real Fun)….§
LOL…
These are ads taken from actual matrimonial sites - guys searching for brides. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart! Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this.....
_______
hello.... My name Arthi..... I am a good characterized woman. I want to run my life happily. I expect the good minded and clean habits boy to marry me soon.... who may be in the same caste . If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home (Ghar Chale aana......... ???)
*****
Hello, To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female, I am not a good education but i working all field in Bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar
*****
I want very simple girl. from Brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Homework?)
*****
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
*****
She should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated. (ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
*****
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dream girl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!! (Seems like he has watched dilwale dulhaniya several times)
*****
I am simple boy. I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot (He thinks the solution for his problems is a GIRL)
*****
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT....... (Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I fell he must post his ads in STAR PLUS)
*****
I want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast (by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
*****
HYE I AM A GOOD LOOKING BOY ,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LAUGH'S BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD.
THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFESSION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. (I am Rolling on my floor Laughing out Loudly..!! )
*****
Whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this guy wants)
*****
I love my partner i marriage the partner ok i search my partner and i love the partner ok thik hai the partner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome" )
*****
HI I AM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE TV AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BOWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the "ok syndrome" again)
*****
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?)
*****
I am very simple and honest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal service and tailor master my original residence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
*****
My name is muhamad and i am unmarried.. please you marriage me please please please please please please please (height of desperation! )
*****
I want one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartily or she have frank she's skin color 'normal' not a black or not a whitey. I Think the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye. (uttama purushan)
*****
Iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred. (No comments)
*****
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
*****
My color is black, but my heart is white. I like social service (must have removed his heart out to see its color.. LOL)
*****
I'm looking out for who lives in Bombay, girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
*****
To be married on jun-2006. working woman preferable (this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)
*****
I would like a beautiful girl. and I do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani. (Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
*****
SSC failed three times and worked with private ltd company which not paying salary at present. (Any takers again?)
*****
Marvelous Answer by a heart surgeon
Take a look at this marvelous answer:
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when
he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off
to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at
his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage," Hello Doctor! Please
come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked
over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on
a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open
hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when
you and me
are doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic .....
What did he say ???
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He said : "Try to do it when the engine is running".
